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Women & Leadership Australia eNewsletterApril 2010 |
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It takes two to make ‘em and two to raise ‘em
Somewhat renowned for being involved in many different professional activities, I am often asked, ‘How do you find the time?’ as a mother. This question is invariably asked by other mothers. Well, the answer is a variety of reasons, including the fact that my full-time working husband and I share the child rearing responsibilities equally. In my experience, this is certainly not the norm with women bearing the lion’s share of child-rearing responsibilities irrespective of their work status. There are many good reasons why parents split the allocation of responsibilities differently – whether by choice, economic or other circumstances. But I baulk at the prevalence of stereotypes around parenting roles – in the media, in the workplace and in everyday life. Take this example. In January The Daily Telegraph declared, ‘8.25am: Meltdown time for modern mums’ , citing a British research study. Fair enough perhaps, but the article oozes with the stereotypical harried mother scenario, citing such advice as ‘Mums should try to share the load’. I’ll say! The word ‘Dad’ isn’t mentioned once. The recent ‘Banana Smoothie’ Westpac furore prompted a torrent of clichés about Gail Kelly’s ‘brightly coloured clothes’ and ‘trademark toothpaste smile’ – the ‘maternal highflyer’ who can ‘juggle corporate life with a family of four’ . I Googled Messrs Norris, Smith and Clyne – Ms Kelly’s counterparts at the other banks. No mention of family juggling there (nor clothes and teeth for that matter). Still, it’s heartening to see that the big corporates are throwing their weight behind work/life balance initiatives. Pity that an executive male acquaintance of mine, who wanted to join the maternal highflyers in his organisation and work four days a week to spend more time with his kids, was quietly advised not to ‘go there’ if he wanted to aspire to leadership roles. Notably, the organisation proudly displays its Employer of Choice for Women citation. One hopes that the Equal Opportunity for Women in the Workplace Agency (EOWA) investigates the take-up rate of flexible working amongst male and female employees of all levels to gauge whether the organisational culture really does support equal opportunities. Given his seniority, I found it rather sad that my acquaintance did not take up the challenge to change the status quo, although one can hardly blame him (I think his harried wife just might). Perhaps the criteria for ‘Women’ in the Employer of Choice for Women award should extend to women spouses of employees. I have come to realise, though, that there are considerable barriers for men as well as women who wish to be fully involved parents and grow their careers. Fathers who stay at home to raise the children or who work part-time are still very much the exception. And yet, once the pregnancy and breast-feeding period is out of the way, there is absolutely no biological reason for men not to participate equally in the raising of their children. And an increasing number of men want to, according to the Australian Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission (HREOC) . In HREOC consultations, a point was ‘repeatedly’ made that men in full-time work voiced concern about lack of access to family life ‘due in large part to workplace barriers and historical and cultural stereotypes.’ The Productivity Commission’s ensuing report noted evidence that when men care for infants, they are more likely to be involved in the care of their children over the longer term . Picture then, men spending time with their children in city parks, or ringing a door bell in the afternoon and finding the father of the family preparing the dinner meal together with his children … This is not an unusual scene in Norway . Following the introduction of a ‘use it or lose it’ paid paternity leave scheme (which now stands at 10 weeks), the percentage of Norwegian fathers taking advantage of parental leave has increased from 2–3% in the early 1990s to an impressive 90% of Norwegian fathers in 2008. According to academics from Oslo University, ‘Norwegian men have discovered the positive sides of fathering and spending time with their children. Taking part in the child’s everyday life is done with pride and joy.’ Before you rush to migrate to Norway, there continues to be a strong female gender split of child-rearing responsibilities beyond the reserved paternity leave period. So, whilst more ‘paternal highflyers’ are emerging, the Norwegian experience still leaves open the question of why such a strong gender bias in parenting responsibilities continues to exist in even in the most progressive of countries (I am excluding Australia from their number). Could it be that some Australian fathers are resistant to taking on 50% of the child-raising responsibility? Uh-oh, now there’s a loaded question. Recognising that one cannot ignore biology completely, there is certainly some logic behind fathers shouldering the financial burden in the early stages of parenthood. Indeed, many women prefer it this way and for it to continue this way. I am all for the freedom to make this personal choice. But here’s my take: all too often I see university educated couples, both with successful careers, make this same choice. And all is well. And then, as the years go by, Dad becomes increasingly successful in his career. He gathers the promotions and the accolades, and becomes a pillar of society, whilst Mum’s achievements at raising the children are often grossly undervalued and overlooked. And then, when it becomes time for these highly talented, university educated, successful women to reprise their careers and reach their full potential, well, the hurdles are often just too great. Gail Kelly and her toothpaste smile notwithstanding, it is no coincidence that the executive suite and boardrooms are bereft of female talent. So what to do? I think it is time for men and women to take a stand – to challenge stereotypical portrayals of gender roles, to replace the words ‘motherhood’ and ‘fatherhood’ with ‘parenthood’, to see both men and women at all levels of the career ladder balancing corporate life and family life. I want to see some real leadership, not acquiescence, in the workplace: leadership to find innovative ways to increase productivity without resorting to the too easy cop-out of longer and longer working hours. The more that organisations take up the challenge of making flexible working work – from the C-suite downwards – the sooner they will identify smarter ways of working that can be applied across the board to increase competitive advantage. I want to see more push-back in the home from those parents who are unhappy with the relative burden they are shouldering of childrearing – no more lame excuses. Whilst long working hours and travel can’t always be helped in today’s global economy, I am rather more doubtful about the persistent late-nighter whose deadlines are always urgent. And finally, I want to ring a few doorbells in the middle of the afternoon and delight in discovering scenes of paternal domestic bliss. A pipe dream? It shouldn’t be. It takes two to make ‘em and two to raise ‘em.
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In a gutsy dissection of the roles of the sexes in the work of child-raising, Helen Wiseman argues that it’s time for men and women to take a stand together and redefine outmoded gender roles.
