Book review: The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome
 Book author: Harriet Braike
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Australia
Almost ten years ago best-selling author Harriet Braiker published what has gone on to become a life-saver for many people around the world. Her appearances on Oprah inspired many people to read her work and make lasting life changes.
The re-release of The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome comes at a time when we are no less yearning to be liked by others – when too many of us still feel overwhelmed by a need to please everyone around us.
Coming from a background in clinical psychology, Braiker takes the disease model and applies it to chronic, unhealthy pleasing. It’s a reach that has been applied in recent years to everything from gambling to xxx – so why not apply it to niceness.
The aim of the book is identify the struggle people have with the where, when and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others. So many people believe that pleasing other people will mean that they will be approved of and loved and that their life will be free of conflict if they do so. In actual fact by always pleasing other people you actually create inner conflict and breakdown of relationships because you are not being true to yourself.
At least as far as demographics, the book’s audience is clearly broad. Whilst many schools of thought argue that women are more prone to chronic pleasing, most of us will be able to bring to mind males in our lives also susceptible here.
For women, though, I believe there is a particular sense of guilt that comes from a ‘failure’ to please everyone. It is this guilt that preoccupies women’s minds and can have a detrimental effect on their relationships and the career development.
The book is an easy read. It has a couple of questionnaires at the start of the book where you can identify at what level is your ‘Disease to Please’ I was very pleased to see that my ‘disease to please’ fell into the middle category. Could be worse, but I still have some work to do!
The book has some great examples of situations that most people will relate to, and the strategies are simple. Braiker presents a strong case for the ‘Sandwich Technique’ – what to say when you want to say no. To do this you need to say no between two complimentary or positive statements. (E.g. “I want to get back to you about that very nice invitation from the other day. I am sorry to say that I won’t be able to accept this time. I hope you will think of me again”.)
On the subject of saying no, there are, however, differing opinions. As a good example, see our review of How to Tell Anyone Anything by Richard Gallagher in September 2009.
What I enjoyed most about the book is that the examples and situations given are ones that we can all identify with, so you really feel it has been written specifically for you.
It makes you wake up and think, and gives you a very clear understanding of why we have this need to please and the consequences it has on our lives.
I have started to apply some of the strategies and am now very conscious of what and how I say things. Already it is having a positive impact in my life so I have been talking about this book to all my friends over the past week and now they are all keen to get it.
The bottom line: Life-changing
Good for: Anyone – especially women – who feel overwhelmed by the need to please everyone, all the time Our rating: 9/10 |
By Di Pierce, National Convenor, Women & Leadership Australia
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